For Sean


Well, the wedding was beautiful, but the marriage wasn't. Sean’s divorce was final on June 12th. I know some of you have known this was in process, but I wanted to refrain from commenting until it was over with.

Although I was sad at first, I know now that this was for the best. That’s not to say that I know everything that caused the breakup, because I don’t, and I don't need to. All I know is that when Sean moved back home last November, he was very overweight and extremely unhappy, but I’m pleased to report that he’s now lost 42 pounds, is in training for a job working offshore, and is dating someone.

So ... after holding my tongue for over six months, here is my personal opinion on all this:  I believe that all my ex-daughter-in-law (who shall remain nameless) wanted was to use Sean as a "meal ticket" until she finished college so she could then move them both back to her hometown (which shall also remain nameless). This town would have been an absolute dead-end for Sean since he is extremely skilled at working on high performance cars and engines. This town has a population of only around 1700, is in the middle of NOWHERE, and had nothing to offer Sean in the way of making a decent living doing what he does best. I guess she expected him to work on lawn mowers and tractors, or at the local oil-change franchise, or drive a great distance everyday to work. I also believe that her entire family put a lot of pressure on her to move back “home.”

We moved away from this pitiful town because we were all so miserable (that's another story in itself), but all she wanted was to move back there with Sean when she knew very well that he wanted no part of it. He was unable to dissuade her from her (and her family’s) “dream” and refused to agree to any type of compromise -- this was just the way it was going to be, and that was it ... her way or the highway. This being the case, it’s not surprising that Sean made the brave decision to get out of a situation that would have certainly led to a divorce later on. So better for him to get it over with now, before there were kids to consider. Although I would have liked to have been made a grandmother, under the circumstances, I’m glad now that I’m not. Anyway, with seemingly no consideration as to what Sean would have had to give up, she was hell-bent on moving “home” after graduation so she could be close to her mama and granny. Well, she’ll get her wish. I hope she and her family are happy now.

Don’t get me wrong. I did love her. So much. I thought God had finally given me the daughter I'd never had. And even now when I see a butterfly, I think of her. When I see a sunflower, I think of her. When I hear the song that was sung at their wedding, I think of what was, and what could have been. When I see a child being pushed in a stroller by its young mother, I get an ache in my heart. Not long after their wedding, I even bought some baby shoes I’d found with a little butterfly on them and was saving them for “later.” And then recently, while we were in Denver to attend our niece’s wedding, I watched Sean hold his cousin’s beautiful infant daughter. It made me so sad that she couldn’t see what she'd given up. All this moved me to write the following letter to my sister-in-law and her husband after their daughter’s wedding ...

March 22, 2003

Dear Dana and Ray:

         I just wanted to write and let you know how wonderful and beautiful Jaime and Greg’s wedding was. I know you both did so much getting everything ready! It was a “labor of love” and it showed! Jaime has grown into such a beautiful young lady, and Greg seems like a fine young man! I know they’ll have a happy life together!

         I know you know about what all we’re going through with Sean. It’s a sad situation, but since he’s moved home I’ve gotten a chance to know him more as an adult than a little boy. And at the wedding, I got to see him in another way ... as a fun and handsome young man that is special in so many ways. Seeing him do his “silly” dance with Krysti, and then getting down on his knees to dance with Shelby almost made me weep. When I think of how ***** has just thrown him away, I feel so sad, but it’s her loss. At least as his Mother, he’s mine forever. I’m so proud of Sean and Patrick!

         You already know that Jaime’s wedding was special. I just wanted to let you know how special it was to me.

My sister-in-law called me and said they all read this and “teared up,” as she put it. She also told me that she, too, had noticed what a special young man Sean had become, and that it broke her heart knowing what he’d probably been through.

But things are going great for Sean now. He has friends, is looking forwarding to working offshore, but most of all, he’s happy. I’m so glad. He deserves it.

--by His Proud Mama
June 23, 2003


For Sean ... (June, 2003) I'm sure some of you have wondered if I'd forgotten that I have an older son since most of my recent postings have been about Patrick. There was a reason for this. You can now go here to read the latest about Sean .........